You Oughta Know

I have a monologue.

A great monologue.

A monologue that I created and have been dying to say to someone for almost two months now.

This monologue is not pretty. It does not roll off the tongue like Bronte or Dickinson, nor does this monologue make you want to fall in love like Shakespeare or Keats.

Nay, this monologue was born out of sheer unadulterated confusion, anger, frustration, and, if I'm going to be honest about this, this monologue was born out of my hurt feelings.

This monologue is bitter and cold. This monologue is not intended for children or even adults, for I'm pretty sure it is laden with the F word. This monologue is meant for only one person, and one person only. This monologue is mean. This monologue is vicious. This monologue, if I ever say it to the person I have in mind, will completely crush this persons self confidence, hurt their feelings, demoralize their well being, and probably change the way they view me for the rest of their lives.

In short, this monologue is more than just a tongue lashing. This monologue is like an AK-47. Once I unleash it onto my poor unsuspecting target, they will not be able to walk away with their head held high. They will be lucky if they will be able to pick themselves off of the floor and walk at all.

I relish the day when I can say this monologue to the person I have in mind.

And then it occurred to me.....I may never get to do this. I may never get to tell this person I think they are full of shit, a coward, and a jerk. This put an unexpected "kink" in my plans. After all, what is the point of carrying around this monologue (and I assure you, it is a GREAT monologue) if I may never get to say it to this person?

Two things have become apparent:

1. There is no need for me to carry around this monologue. In carrying this monologue and wasting space in my head for it I am also carrying one HELL of  a grudge. I'm sure the intended recipient of my monologue goes to sleep at night just fine and is totally unaware (....hm...maybe not "aware", actually I pretty sure they know I have a mouth full of things to say to them but they're either clueless or avoid me like the plague so that they don't have to deal with me) of this monologue I have ready for them. This is useless and does nothing for me.

Honestly, carrying around this monologue does nothing for me because in my anticipation of unleashing verbal bullets upon this person, I am also expecting something in return. What I am expecting is an apology. I know full and well that this will never happen. Expecting an apology from someone that has been both rude and tacky to you is pointless. That's like expecting an crackhead to admit they have a problem.

2. Karma has a funny way of tying up loose ends. Karma has always been good to me, I see no reason to doubt her now. (yes, I think Karma is a girl. What?)

Don't get it twisted though. Just because I let it go doesn't necessarily mean I forgiven them. Letting something go and forgiveness are two completely different things. It just means that life goes on, and I don't have time to be stressin about your punk ass.

"Life is too short and grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Life is too short to be unhappy. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. You have to take the good with the bad."

Let the church say, "Amen."